Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
