I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize