I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
