A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
