I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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