Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
