best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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