Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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