I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
