i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
