You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
