His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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