Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's get the cat blown out
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