I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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