I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
