Is it because I queefed?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
