I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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