Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
