I want to make a zoo with you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
