just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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