How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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