He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
