We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
