Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
