Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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