I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
