tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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