Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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