Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
