Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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