I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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