This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize