I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
