She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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