whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I touched a dick in church today
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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