I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
