I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
