What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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