dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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