We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize