Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
