nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
