Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
