Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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