four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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