What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
