Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize