I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The air was thick with penises
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
