If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
