I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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