Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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