Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize