It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
