Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
