Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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