Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
