I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
