I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
