When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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