Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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