I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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