chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
