So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
