Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
