SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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