May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
