remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
