She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
