I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
