Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
