see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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