dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
